6 facts (we bet ) you didn’t know about the male orgasm

by Corrie Pikul

Jokes and teasing aside, the male orgasm is a seriously fascinating subject.
1. In most cases, they will outlast yours.
On average, men experience about 22 seconds of mind-numbing bliss, which is four seconds longer than the typical female orgasm. Surprised? Again, those are averages: Each orgasm is different, and some can involve bonus thrills, while others seem to be over in a New York minute (i.e. less than 18 to 22 seconds). Regularly practicingKegel exercises can buy both genders a few extra seconds of pleasure, says Kristen Mark, Ph.D., a sex and relationships researcher and assistant professor at the University of Kentucky.
2. They lead to sperm traveling a mile in about the same amount of time as a woman speed walking.
When sperm are first ejaculated, they can reach speeds of up to 28 miles per hour. (This is difficult to measure, says Mark, but that’s the most commonly cited top speed.) That’s about as fast as Usain Bolt can run. Once they crowd into the vagina, they slow down to about 4 miles per hour — about as fast as you might walk when you’re late to an important appointment. It can take them from 30 minutes to three days to make it all the way to the waiting egg.
3. They won’t sabotage his performance in tomorrow’s big game.
Athletes and their coaches long believed that getting frisky the night before an event was a bad idea (and they were skittish about testing the hypothesis). The idea was that sex would sap their energy, and for men, that the testosterone expelled during ejaculation could rob them of their mojo. Good news for athletes (and their partners):There’s no good scientific evidence that either of these beliefs is true, according to a review of the literature published in the Clinical Journal of Sport Medicine. One study involved a strength test the morning after sex and also after six days of abstinence — and found no significant difference in the participants’ performance. Two other studies concluded that sexual activity had no noticeable effect on grip strength, balance or aerobic power. Some scientists even believe that the male orgasm boosts testosterone, which is good for his general health as well as his game. Keep in mind that these tests didn’t measure the psychological effect of sex before sports — so, no matter what science says, if you think it will slow you down or hold you back, it might.
4. Their byproduct is potent stuff — but not the way you think.
The average ejaculation consists mostly of a teaspoon’s worth of fluid, but only about2 to 5 percent of that may be sperm. The rest is made up of everything the sperm needs for its long and treacherous journey. Seminal fluid has also been found to contain natural mood enhancers like serotonin, cortisol, prolactin, oxytocin, and estrone, as well as the sleep-aid melatonin. Researchers from the University of Albanyraised eyebrows a few years ago when they published a study suggesting that because of semen’s unique properties, women who had unprotected sex might be happier than those who had sex with condoms or abstained completely.
5. They don’t always require a change of sheets.
You may be surprised to learn that in men, as in women, orgasm and ejaculation are two different processes: One involves the pleasurable, full-body release of tension; the other involves the release of sexual fluid. Most of the time, these events happen simultaneously, but there are cases in which one happens without the other, saysAbraham Morgentaler, MD, FACS, a urologist and author of Why Men Fake It: The Totally Unexpected Truth About Men and Sex. Morgentaler says that dry orgasms can be a side effect of alpha blockers prescribed for urinary problems (the medication drastically reduces the release of semen). He’s also seen this happen to male patients with diabetes or neurologic conditions, or who had an operation — for example, to remove their prostate — that affected the nerves controlling the ejaculatory process. His patients usually describe the feeling as still pleasurable… just less messy.

6. They feel different than yours do.

But not that different! When Canadian researchers asked men and women to fill out a questionnaire with adjectives that described how orgasms felt, both genders said they’d experienced “building,” “flooding,” “flushing,” “throbbing” and “spasms” — but significantly more men than women in the study also mentioned feeling “shooting sensations.”

The Stupid Things You Do When Dating (and How to Fix Them)

 

Adam Dachis 

Our emotions and hormones are powerful forces that can make us do things that may feel right but are not actually in our best interest. On a regular basis you may think you're attracted to someone when you're not, make yourself uglier when you're trying to look good, and generally cause yourself grief while dating despite your best intentions. Here's a look at how you cause these problems and what you can do to fix them.

Photo by liubomir (Shutterstock).

Stupid Thing #1: You Confuse Heightened Emotions for Physical Attraction

When you feel love, attraction, fear, sadness, or any other emotion, your brain likes to come up with an explanation to make sense of the feeling. The problem is, that explanation is often wrong because you try to match the feeling to the closest explanation possible. If you're standing on the edge of a mountain and afraid you could fall and die, a beautiful man or woman standing beside you could cause you to mistake that anxiety for sexual attraction. This misattribution happens frequently in various stressful situations.

David McRaney, of the blog You Are Not So Smart, points to a study by psychologists Art Aron and Donald Dutton that put men in a room and scared them into believing they'd receive a mild or painful shock. While they fearfully waiting to be electrocuted, they'd meet an attractive subject and be asked afterwards to fill out a questionnaire rating their anxiety and attraction to the subject. Here's what happened:

The men who expected a terrible, painful future rated their anxiety and their attraction to the ladies as significantly higher than those expecting mild tingles. When it came to those narratives explaining the pictures, once again the more anxious the men, the more sexual imagery they produced.
Aron and Dutton showed when you feel aroused, you naturally look for context, an explanation as to why you feel so alive. This search for meaning happens automatically and unconsciously, and whatever answer you come up with is rarely questioned because you don't realize you are asking.

In the real world, you're constantly waiting to be shocked, but you do occasionally feel anxiety, excitement, and other heart-pounding emotions. You run the same risk as the test subjects of attributing your state of arousal to the most convenient explanation. This can cause you to feel attraction to someone you wouldn't otherwise find compelling, which can be problematic whether or not you're in a relationship already.

The easiest way to combat this problem is to consider why you're feeling aroused rather than automatically accepting the conclusion that pops into your head. We make a lot of mistakes because we assume what we think and feel is accurate without questioning, so challenge these assumptions to avoid stupid mistakes.

(To learn more about the misattribution of arousal, ready McRaney's full article.)

Stupid Thing #2: Wearing Cologne, Perfume, and Body Sprays Inhibit Others from Finding You Attractive

Wearing any type of cologne or perfume and even some deodorants can inhibit your sexual attractiveness. The problem isn't that people don't enjoy those lovely scents concocted in a lab, but that they do. When you wear a body spray, cologne, or perfume, you're masking your natural, subtle scent (read: NOT body odor). That includes the pheromones secreted when you sweat, and they're believed to play a fairly large role in attracting a partner. A study published in the European Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology concluded that scent and pheromones play a larger role in sexual attraction than we initially believed:

Human sociosexual interactions are influenced by pheromones, even if they cannot be detected consciously. Pheromones have the potential to influence human behaviour and physiology and so there has to be asked the question, in which way the modern striving for cleanliness and odourlessness affects our everyday social lives and human reproductive success in the future. What we know at the moment, as many studies in the last few years have pointed out, is that the human sense of smell has by far been underestimated in the past and that humans, like other animals, use olfactory signals for the transmission of biologically relevant information.

While the jury is still out on the exact role scent plays in sexual attraction, studies are beginning to find that covering up our natural scent may be detrimental. While we don't want to go around wafting oxidized sweat from our armpits, diet and exercise plus good hygiene can be more than enough to help us maintain a scent that's actually more attractive to prospective mates than the ones we pay so much for in stores.

Stupid Thing #3: You Try to Hide Physical Features You Consider Unattractive

Whether or nose is too big or too small, you have freckles you hate, or you wish your skin was darker or lighter, making those changes won't do you much good. Popular dating site OKCupid posted a look at what people find most attractive on their blog and it wasn't a specific standard of beauty. Instead they found that people who were considered both ugly and unattractive by their users received the most messages likely because they offered a level of uniqueness that some people found very attractive.

While TV, movies, and other entertainment media can make it easy to believe that there's a general ideal of beauty that we ought to aspire to, statistics point to that being a problem. If you want to be attractive, just take good care of yourself. Don't try to be somebody else.

Stupid Thing #4: You Choose the Partner You're Most Likely to Lose Rather than the Best One

When single and dating, chances are you're not seeing just one person at a time until someone shows potential—or at least you think that's what's happening. According to behavioral economist Dan Ariely, you're more likely to pick a mate that you're worried you may lose even if they're not the best option:

In the experiments we've done we've shown that if you can date three people, and they all promise they can stay viable and you can keep on dating them, you very quickly pick one and just stay with that person. But if you date three people and two of them threaten you that unless you go on and continue dating them or they will go away and find somebody else, you keep on revisiting those options. We have a very hard time closing doors.

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Ariely suggests that actually making a commitment can make these anxieties go away, as you can avoid stress by simply making a decision and going forward, but obviously you don't want to choose the wrong person simply because they pose a risk of leaving. To help avoid this problem, just consult your friends. They won't be worried about losing someone you're dating, so they'll be able to help you see the truth of the situation.

Stupid Thing #5: You Believe The Opposite Sex Should Always Understand What You're Saying

For both men and women, we assume the other sex understands what's being said. In reality, male and female brains operate a little differently and women are generally far more capable when it comes to verbal communication. This advantage allows women to track multiple conversations and pick up on intricacies of speech that men can't. In essence, women are better listeners than men by default, even if it's a somewhat minor distinction. The Norwich Bulletin points to a study from the University of Sheffield that discovered the male brain has trouble tracking a woman's speech because of how it processes the sound of the female voice:

These researchers found differences in the way male and female brains process voice sounds. The results of this study demonstrate that, in the male brain, the perception of male and female voices activates different brain regions. The guys could easily hear and understand other men's voices. However, women have a greater natural melody in their voices and possess a more complex range of sound frequencies than a male voice. The men in the study had a harder time deciphering them and really hearing what a woman was saying. When they heard the female voices, they had to decipher them using the part of the brain that processes music - a more complex process than is used in the part of the brain that analyzes a male voice.

The only real solution to the problem is for both men and women to be aware and understanding of this inherent communication issue. Communication is difficult even without the gender differences, so it can help for men to make the extra effort and for women to understand that what they say may not always come across in exactly the way they think.

Photo by Wave Break Media (Shutterstock).

Learn the Art of Intellectual Foreplay

“Words really flattering are not those which we propose but those which escape us unthinkably.”
-Ninon de L’Enclos Sitting at a dinner party in the South of France many years ago, I was captivated by the conversation.  All the topics that I was taught were off limits at any social function — sex, religion and politics – were openly discussed with fervor.
The conversation morphed throughout the night.  Discussions about who was a better artist, Van Gogh or the creator of the Ferrari (yes, there were Italians there too), the state of the European economy, the age of Enlightenment and the value of extramarital relations had my mind whirling.
At the moment I was about to sink my teeth into the Tiramisu, a young Frenchman turned to me and asked, “Tonya, what do you do?”
“I’m a nurse.”
Yawn.
“I don’t mean what you do for a living, but what do you do in your life that brings you passion,” he said.
Uh….hhhmm…well…I like to workout.
Oh God.  Did I really just say that?
This was proof that I had worked hard on keeping up myself physically, but I had let myself go intellectually.
Next. Moving on.  Skipped right over.
Okay, so I felt a bit lost (scratch that, I was a lot lost).  Though, more than lost, I felt dull, a word most people wouldn’t use to describe me back home.  The truth is that I had never given myself permission to have intellectual pursuits.  I was too busy with the everyday stuff of life.  I was a woman of duty, not desires.
Suddenly, I realized that the people sitting around that table possessed something that I didn’t: a passion for life coupled with an arsenal of intellectual and conversational skills that had somehow escaped me during my over three decades on this earth.
As I watched the playful and at times tense (think Italians flailing their arms around in the air and the French shrugging their shoulders and rolling their eyes) exchange of ideas and opinions, I made another observation.  The most captivating woman in the room was not necessarily the most beautiful one or the one carrying the Birkin (now don’t get me wrong, I love a Birkin). She was the one who knew how to use her passion paired with words to charm the audience.
I walked away from that experience determined to learn the art of intellectual foreplay.
The first thing I did was begin to learn a new language (for which, I’m still struggling).  I did this for two reasons.  First, being able to speak another language makes you more cosmopolitan, a lady who can cross cultures with ease.
Second, in France, words are used as play.  It’s not just what you say, but how you say it.  It didn’t take me long to realize that my direct American-style way of speaking was often viewed as rude (or dull) in a French conversation.  The French have a way of adding humor, wit and charm to very serious topics, making it easier to digest.  Looking back, had I said, “I put my mouth on those who are on the brink of death and breath life back into them,” instead of “I’m a nurse,” I would have gained instant conversational credibility.
Upon returning home, I also threw out all the diet books I owned realizing that nothing would have bored that group more than to hear me talk about how many calories were in our meal, especially that Tiramisu.  I also began to pursue my own intellectual passions,  enrolling in sommelier school, getting a liberal arts degree, writing daily, watching foreign films, reading Proust and Hemingway, learning the art of French cooking and traveling to places that would inspire me.
Fast forward to many years later.  I was sitting at table in Monaco with many of the same people.  The once quiet, “I’m a nurse” girl (yes, that would be moi) when asked what she did, said, “I French Kiss Life,” followed by my favorite quote by Hafiz, “Oh World, One regret that I am determined not to have when lying upon my death bed is that I did not kiss thee enough.”
Fancy, right?
The conversation exploded into the impact of Sufism on the modern world to the painful existence of regret.  I sat back and smirked at the spark I had ignited from a few years of pursuing my passions.
Still, I was mesmerized.  How did these people know so much about everything? In studying the French culture, I’ve come to realize what sets them apart from us.  Americans tend to be one-dimensional, specializing and focusing on one thing.  Sure, this makes them experts in their field, but it can also make them appear like I did at that dinner table: boring.  The French on the other hand are schooled on philosophy, art and culture from very young ages, giving them a one up in a conversation.
French women, especially, are able to converse about a wide range of topics without being pretentious or crude.  They stay current on world events, sports, politics, art, film, fashion and science.  She’s not afraid to combine her intellect with a dose of her sexuality, making her an irresistible conversationlist.  It’s not enough to just be a pretty face in France; you must also have an interesting mind.
While it’s difficult to make up all those lost years of cultural abandon, it’s not too late to become a lady who knows how to engage in tantalizing intellectual foreplay.
At the end of the night, what really makes one stand out from the crowd is her passion, beautifully presented through word and gestures.  Had I spoken about my career as a nurse from a place of intense conviction, I would have captivated those in the room.  Had I asked questions, expressed my opinion and been authentically me, instead of worrying what everyone thought, I would have been instantly charming.  Had I thrown in the few French words I did know at the time, I would have appeared to be a woman on an intellectual quest.  Also, knowing when to be quiet and truly listen is a gift.  And, had I thrown my hands up in the air when I tasted the Tiramisu and shouted, “Dear God, this is Divine,” I would have been seen as a woman capable of culinary orgasms.
Conversation is like a dance.  Sometimes, you must let others take the lead but always keep up, unless of course, you don’t like the dance.
So, here’s my challenge for you.  Begin to weed out all those things you’ve been taught you should know and begin to indulge yourself in what truly inspires you.  To break it down even further, here are some specific tips that I’ve used to cultivate my mind:
Film: Venture out from Hollywood and explore foreign and independent films.  I make a point to watch at least one per month.
Reading:  It’s common for a French person to ask you what you’re reading before they ask you where you live.  So, read often and indulge in a diversity of genres from fiction to nonfiction.  Yes, you may love your 50 Shades of Grey and that might create an interesting conversation, but it will behoove you to have some other tools in your reading belt.  I read one book per week.  Right now, I’m reading The Greater Journey:  Americans in Paris by David McCullough.
Current Affairs:  Choose one or two newspapers that are your go-to source for what’s happening in the world.  While you can always get your news online, there’s something said for the printed paper that you hold in your hands.  Plus, it’s so easy to get sidetracked in the virtual world.  Before you know it, you’re on TMZ.com.
Language:  Keep up skills in your own native tongue by learning new words.  I subscribe to a word of the day.  Today’s word was mellifluous, meaning “like honey, sweet and smooth.”  Also, if you’re interested in a culture, there’s no better way to dive deeply into it than by learning its language.  Plus, being bilingual offers you an intellectual advantage.
Magazines:  Beyond People and US Weekly is a slew of magazines that will expand your world.  Some of my favorites are The New Yorker, Vogue, Town and Country, Rolling Stone, Food and Wine, Entrepreneur and O Mag (yes, I’m an Oprah darling!).  Reading magazines such as these will expand your cultural perspective and usually offer you a hot topic to discuss at your next dinner party.
Arts:  Go to museums.  Attend concerts.  Attend local exhibitions.  Listen to an array of music.  Read about your favorite artist.  Get involved in a cause that supports the art of your choice.  Creativity is your outlet to expressing who you are in the world, so don’t neglect your artistic mind.
TV: Our family does not have cable.  In fact, the only thing we watch on the television are movies.  This has afforded us time to listen to music, read books and spend time with each other in conversation.  Of course, I have my favorite shows (one of them being Sex in the City).  However, when I get the chance to watch TV, it’s now a luxury, not an everyday addiction of mindless entertainment.
Get Back to the Classroom:  I am a school junkie. I love attending lectures, taking classes, watching TED talks.  When it comes to knowledge, I am a hedonist.  I want to learn any and everything.  Curiosity is our childlike nature.  Talk to your inner child and see what she is dying to learn more about.  Then, go do it!
Indulge your mind, and you’ll master the art of intellectual foreplay.
Add your favorite lipstick, and, who knows what will happen?
One last suggestion:  have a general toast that will charm for that awkward moment when you’re called upon unexpectedly.  (Yes, I speak from experience on this one!)
Now, it’s your turn to practice.  In the comments below, share your passion.  Talk about what you do with the sole purpose of entertaining us, discuss something that is of interest to you right now, share your toast, tell us about the magazines that you love or your favorite foreign film, and don’t be afraid to express your opinion (with a dose of charm, bien sur.)
__________________________
Do you want to practice the art of intellectual foreplay in the country that birthed modern philosophy and is home to some of the world’s most famous intellectuals (Voltaire, Descartes, Rousseau, Sartre and, our lady, Simone de Beauvoir)?
If so, Le Voyage Paris: The Art of Being a Woman Immersion is for you! Our evening salons will be devoted to beautiful, thought-provoking and inspiring conversation and their will be plenty of opportunities to indulge yourself intellectually.
Click here to get all the details and apply.
And, don’t forget to pack your passions, passport and lipstick!

Related Articles:

• Why Don’t You . . . Become a Bilingual Woman?
• Why Don’t You…Make Every Day Enchanting?
• Modern Day Icon: Author Jamie Cat Callan
• Why I Love the “F” Word

Free Technology for Teachers: 5 Resources to Help Students Make Healthy Food Cho...

Resources to Help Students Make Healthy Food Choices

The school district neighboring mine recently announced a new health and fitness curriculum that emphasizes "lifetime" fitness. One aspect of the curriculum focuses on helping students make healthy food choices. That news prompted me to put together this list of resources that can help students discover new healthy foods and make healthy food choices.

Chew or Die is a free iOS app that encourages people to try new healthy foods. The free app contains a series of healthy food challenges. The challenges include things like removing bread and potato-based starches with rice, trying a new vegetable, removing meat from your diet for a week, and sneaking more fiber into your diet. When you try a challenge take a picture of the food that you try and upload it to Chew or Die to challenge your friends to match your healthy choice.

Sugar Stacks is a good website for understanding how much sugar is in the food and beverages that we consume. Sugar Stacks lists popular food and beverage items in ten categories. Every item is pictured with a stack of sugar cubes. Each sugar cube represents four grams of sugar. This is a great way to see just how much sugar you really consume in your favorite snack or beverage.

Food Play Productions produces and performs educational plays about healthy lifestyle habits. In addition to the plays, Food Play produces a nice selection of resources for teachers to use in their classrooms. Food Play also has resources designed for kids, teens, and parents to access on their own. The type of resource that visitors to the site will find are things like "school wellness" checklists and "snacking guides."

Healthy Heroes is a free iPad app designed to help children learn about healthy snacks and meals. In the free app students feed healthy foods to a friendly monster. Before each activity students are shown a few healthy foods and they’re told a bit about the nutrition and calories of the foods. Then in the activity students tap mystery boxes to find the snacks and drag them to the monster’s mouth. Between each activity a short, healthy eating tip is played for students to watch.

Nourish Interactive is a great resource for elementary school health and nutrition teachers. Nourish Interactive offers lesson plans, printable guides and forms, resources for parents, and games for students. In the printables section teachers will find things like fun coloring pages as well as educational pages like "name the food group" and "exercise tracking sheets." The parents' section of Nourish Interactive offers parents tips on teaching healthy eating habits at home. The parents' section also offers tips and recipes for cooking healthy food with kids. The games section of Nourish Interactive contains ten online games for elementary school students. The games are designed to reinforce the lessons learned from parents and teachers using the teaching resources on Nourish Interactive.

Holistic Help For Chronic Tension Headaches

Holistic Help For Chronic Tension Headaches

Chronic Tension HeadachesRuining Your Life?

Certified athletic trainer reveals 2 simple
steps you must take to get chronic tension headache relief
(so you can enjoy life again)

Keep reading to discover what these steps are
and how they can make your tension headaches disappear...

Paul Bacho has 30 years experience treating patients in chronic pain and is the co-author of "How to Get Permanent Relief From Chronic Tension Headaches."

First Date Mastery

First Date Mastery

"Learn My New, No-Brainer System For Having An Amazing First Date With Any Woman For Under $20"

And The Best Part?  She'll Like You Even MORE Than If You Had Wasted A Bunch Of Money On Her!

Mastery is no longer a Mystery! Check it out for yourself!

"First Date Mastery - Secrets Of A Successful First Date"

A Set Of True "Underground" Videos That Reveals Every Single Tip, Tactic And Secret For Having An Amazing First Date With Any Woman (for under 20 bucks) - Guaranteed!

300 Creative Date Ideas by Michael Webb (Official Site)

300 Creative Date Ideas by Michael Webb (Official Site)

As featured in: If you are looking for a collection of expensive dates to really impress your sweetheart then this ISN'T IT. But if you want 100's of inexpensive dates that cost from $5-$20 then you have found a goldmine of information. Whether… …you want to make a big impression to secure a second date, put your relationship back on track or just have more fun, keep reading, as this may be the most important letter you ever read… Dear Friend, id you know that while going out for dinner and a movie is one of the most popular dates, it is also one of the very worst dates you can go on?-- especially for couples in the early stages of dating!

300 Creative Date Ideas by Michael Webb (Official Site)